Its been a month now and as for my situation with Kross, I am still not over him and i know its something others will never understand. Cause besides the downs everybody has heard of, nobody else knows the happiness or understands the love that was once present and everything we had.
At this point in time, I will never understand/accept the reason we turned out this way and it would've been easier to pick up the pieces if I hated him instead of all this love i still have but things and time have made me realise that i've reached a point whereby I know that he doesn't feel the same way I do anymore and nothing will change his mind. And I know it's really cliched but I mean it when I say that as long as he's happy and i know he'll be okay, i'll be alright. In time. A long long time.
Without a doubt I still feel my heart flutter when I look at him, the need to stand up and defend him when he is put down, the want to talk about him fondly to others
and to love/care/miss him the same way i always did. But during our time apart, I've come to learn that although I yearn for it, he doesn't have to be with me to find happiness again.
And i know it'll probably break my heart to see the one i love, happy with someone else. But it'd probably kill me to know that the one i love is unhappy with me.
So Kumar, I am finally setting you free. Without hope or obligation to return to me. You opened my eyes to a lot of things all this while, and I thank you for something so beautiful.
EDIT: It sucks cause I don't feel anger, instead im filled with nothing but sadness. I just keep on living in denial with the little hope I cling on to.
and although I still love you,
Note To Self: DEAL WITH IT RAJINI KRISHNAMUTI.
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